Reasons I would like you to stay alive
You told me you were ready to die,
You told them you wanted to die.
Every fibre of your being screaming for help.
They asked if you wait six months, if you could postpone your suicidal thoughts until a failing system caught up.
I’d rather you held on forever.
I’d rather you held on until we’re old and grey.
Ideally you’d stay alive, so in fifty years’ time we can fight over mum’s good cutlery set.
Or the tumblers that we’ve both kept beady eyes on for years.
I want you to stay alive so that I never have to hold you cold body.
It chills me to the core to think that this world was so cruel that I couldn’t add any light to your life.
I know how cruel this world has to been you.
You say you hate the labels, the bullies, the waiting lists at the crisis team
But darling that’s a flawed society, not you.
More reasons I would like you to stay alive:
I am yet to ride on the back of your motorbike
I am yet to win an argument about politics with you.
You are yet to beat me at a game of chess.
Most of all, you might hate this world
But you make my world a better place like sunshine on a cloudy day.
I want you to be here when things get better because how could things be any worse?
There are more reasons I would like you to stay alive, obviously.
If you die, I will grieve for you every day for the rest of my life
There will be a hole in my heart that time probably won’t fix.
If you die, I will grieve every day for the rest of my life,
Wondering if I could have done more?
The reasons I would like you to stay alive… I don’t want to live without you.